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A bloke is sunbathing with nothing but a hat covering his penis. Two women walk past and one shouts “if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat...to a lady!” The bloke replies “if you weren’t so ugly the hat would lift itself!”Me: “I can’t believe they’re back together after all that shit”. Wife: “Who?” Me: “My arse cheeks”“So let me get this straight” the prosecutor says to the defendant. “You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man”. “That’s correct” says. They finally settled on a tight hot pink sequin dress that was shortenough to see the tops of his black stockings. Then lead him out to theircars parked outside.The next thing he knew they were on their way out to a local dance clubwhere they spent the next 3 hours parading him around and making himdance for their amusement.By 3 o'clock his legs were aching and he just wanted to go home. But thiswas not meant to be. The final nightmare (or so he thought it was) wasabout to come.The women took. That being Keith, I loved that man as well as hated him. I only wanted to know why he had done me wrong.I went out one night to a spot Keith and I often went for dinner and drinks. Maybe I went there hoping to bring back happy memories. I was just plainly dressed as I was not looking for sex any longer after my last attempt. The place was semi-full and luckily I didn't know anyone. The place hadn't changed much except the people working there. I sat at a different table not wanting to sit at. ‘I didn’t say you could.’ ‘Oh, of course not.’ The wooden match with that flash of beautiful fire, the chemical stench of its ignition so reminiscent of cordite. I felt myself harden at the smell, such wonderful old memories. The Arden. Normandy. Berlin. St. Petersburg. So many good memoires to go with that odor. I sucked the flames into the tip as I turned the nubby cigar, letting the first hints of smoke coat my tongue and blend with the scotch. A delightfully deviant taste of oil, leaf, and.
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