I imagined her asking me to spank her, begging me. I imagined her naked, letting me use a belt on her. I imagined her thanking me later as she left, s...ying that I fulfilled her dreams, begging me to let her come again. I wanted it so badly, to do it.I couldn't stand my life.I confessed to Martha. I told her I understood. I told her about Lisa and about my obsession. She smiled."You know what you have to do?" she said."What?" You have to lighten up. Big time. It's supposed to be fun and you're. My secret was out.We installed all of the office equipment in the room next to Lisbeth's, I wanted the other bedroom closest to us to be the nursery. Mom was in her element, painting walls and buying things for the baby. I started taking the vitamins that Madeline had recommended, and I drove carefully and walked slowly. I refused to be stressed, and when an argument or loud discussion came up at work, I simply left the room. I stopped drinking alcohol, and had nothing more than a small glass. Messages… That is how this all started. One weekend alone. John had taken the children to his parents. I wanted to spring clean the house, even though it was late May and spring was nearly summer. All started with good intentions until I opened the laptop. I was soon distracted by a forum occasionally frequented. A message appeared in the mailbox.‘You fascinate me. Your twee little comments about this subject and that subject make you out to be such a sweet innocent thing. Yet, deep down, there. They both toldme how much they had enjoyed using me for the weekend, and they hoped I'd continueserving them. Kayla told me she was going to give me a few weeks to thinkabout everything that had gone on. I told her I didn't need that muchtime to think it over. She just smiled, and told me that she and Johndidn't want me rushing into anything. I had made it home and collapsedin my bed. I was a zombie at work the next day. It had taken memost of that next week to physically recover. During.
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