I whisper to him because I cannot believe that he is really saying this to me. ‘Are you for real? You would really go with me and not try to get me ...ack to the lab when I get so weak that I cannot go on? Would you really have sex with me, even though I am as hideous as I am?’ ‘Maria, it would not just be having sex with you. It would be making love. You do not realize it, but I love you. When we first started to talk together I was still in Iraq. When I would see you come online, I would know. As I stood there naked in front of her for the first time, Em murmured appreciation. For the briefest of moments, she held my cock in her hand, but then expertly wrapped the towel around my mid-rift and went to fetch her own. Turning back towards me, and handing the towel to me, she locked my eyes to hers, and with me concentrating on her face, she lowered the top half of her swimsuit down, exposing her breasts. Without breaking the gaze, she said: Please would you now dry my body John? I. "What sort of fucked up gay fantasy am I living," I asked myself. "Is it really gay, since it's just me doing it?" I considered that over the next few days. Of course, I was sucking myself off three or four times a day now, too. That's when I hit on my next experiment. I already conquered self oral sex. Now, I had to conquer self sex. I had to devise a way I could fuck myself in my own ass. I started with angles. Those didn't quite work. I had to thrust while not moving. I tried a portal. I had spent the last several months haunting the website of the one bar in the city that had an exclusively lesbian night once a week. Over and over again I would return to the page, each time feeling a little jolt of adrenaline as the screen loaded. The homepage featured a video of one of the dance floors – I must have watched that thing a hundred times. All those women dancing together! It seemed impossible that such a place actually existed, that it was real, that there were hundreds of.
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