My heart was pounding, and my mouth was dry, and all the doubts that had swirled through my mind during the preceding week came back in a last bid to ...estroy my confidence. Carl was the only man I had ever been with. He was a thoughtful spouse, kind and generous, a good provider and wonderful father, but somehow marriage had been such a letdown, nothing like the happily-ever-after I had imagined as a girl. We argued over laundry. We argued over money. We argued over whose turn it was to clean. He reached into the pocket of his jeans around his ankles, and dived into his wallet. I was confused for a second until he took out a condom & ripped open the packet. In one smooth swipe of his hand he rolled it on then he spun me around and held by hands against the door, leaning forward, while he stood behind me. Around this point, despite my overwhelming lust & excessive alcohol intake, I began to notice that we must have been making a lot of banging & clattering noises, rattling the walls. I knew it wasn't justified, but they simply wouldn't be dissuaded. I knew my father would simply tell me that there comes a time when you have to simply grow up and accept what life gives you."Well, Allison, as much as I feel uncomfortable saying this, I think you have to figure out something that's going to make you feel more comfortable doing what you seem to be doing. Maybe you've been helping those men, maybe you haven't, but isn't there a better way to help them? Besides, you're limiting. .Well, damn it, they glowed.Nona sighed.She wasn't jealous. The fact she was alone, emotionally and physically, was her choice. She wasn't going to pick a male, or (eyes flicking over to Tammy, shuddering) female, just because they were the only options. Not only was it wrong, in God's eyes, but it was wrong in HER eyes. Nona doubted she could even do it if the Prophet came down himself and ordered her to procreate.Didn't mean she was happy, though."I said," she repeated, louder, cutting.
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