"I could see my mother out of the corner of my eye, listening intentlywhile pretending not to."That's be nice, except... I don't know if I have anythi...g to wear."That was certainly true - I had spent very little time choosing clothesthis morning and had very little idea of what was in my closet.Mum, 'helpfully' chimed in, "I'm sure Rachel can help you pick somethingto wear, dear."What could I do? I'd stupidly said I'd go if I had something to wear.Suddenly I was taking Zak to the school dance,. I knew that he could watch me all of the time and I got used to the idea that I might be on TV when I showered or went to pee. It was quite a sexy feeling; kind of performing all the time. I think I got a little obsessed with it. I bought a couple of Go Pro cameras and set them up so I was recording myself a lot of the day. That sounds daft when the cable guy must have it all but he didn’t play tapes back to me very often. I got quite good at playing through tapes at high speed and still. “Spit it out!” So I told him how we never talked about her cheating but I would go down on her and eat the creampies guys would leave in her and I thought she might know because she would get so into that type of sex. “Damn,” he said “That’s hot. That’s too fucking hot!” I was very self conscious, but for some strange reason, happy he wasn’t judging me in some sick way. I was even excited a little that he was so into it and felt an erection in my pants imagining him with her and maybe the two. We both had been through the divorce mill and were doing okay in our chosen professions.My sister Marsha’s first husband had been killed in a car accident, leaving her with two little kids. Her second husband had been a crook who ripped her off of all the money she had gotten from her first husband’s insurance. She was getting older and had begun to fret she was going to end up an aging, unmarried single mom, with no dad for the kids. I felt for her and tried to assure her that would never.
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